I've Got Some Thinking to Do

I wrote about life metaphors when I was about half way through Anthony Robbins, “Awaken the Giant Within” and I’ve finally finished it. I can’t remember taking a month to read a book for a long while, but it was a thoroughly enjoyable and incredibly powerful read. No one is more surprised than I. I’m not sure what I liked most about it – it explores so many aspects of “us” – what makes us tick, how to change habits, how to refocus, how to shake off past shit– definitely a good thing for me to read right now.

I’m going to go back and do a lot of the things he suggested, because all of it can make my life better, but I reckon the most interesting thing was the chapter on personal values. He lists love, success, freedom, intimacy, security, adventure, power, passion, comfort and health (in no particular order) as the top values most people come up with in his seminars. He then asks the reader to put these values in priority order.

So I came up with:

1. Passion
2. Love
3. Freedom
4. Intimacy
5. Adventure
6. Health
7. Success
8. Comfort
9. Security
10. Power

But then I thought about it and wondered if that order was more about what I think I should value, or what I do value? So then I came up with:

1. Passion, freedom, adventure
2. Love and success
3. Intimacy
4. Health
5. Comfort
6. Security
7. Power

You see, passion, freedom and adventure have been my primary driving forces all of my adult life, BUT those values can be pretty challenging when one is no longer single and able to put a backpack on and just go. So it made me think, perhaps that’s why I’ve found the wife/family transition hard – pretty much a constant battle and cause of frustration within? Perhaps that’s why I’ve never found the real joy and peace many women seem to experience when they enter the world of motherhood?

It’s certainly not that I haven’t loved and adored my boys, it’s not that I haven’t done everything I can to make them happy – but I have done all of it at the expense of my own happiness and satisfaction, and that’s what I’ve been trying to resolve these last few years – one way or another. Accept it as is or change it to benefit all. I suppose the main question I constantly ask is how can we all be happy and satisfied within this family mix?

Coming back to Singapore has DEFINITELY helped get more balance in our lives and I’m so much happier with the mix of professional achievement, while having real quality time to spend with all three of my boys. But the internal work is not complete (it never is really,) and one of my priorities now is to reassess and come up with a new list of values. Once I know what they are, I’m going to bed them down firmly in my heart, I’m going to live them every day of my life, and I really do believe this is going to help me find some peace within my family unit.

However, in order to ensure this doesn’t just benefit me, I’m going to do it with Steve, because if we are out of synch with our values, I don’t think we can enjoy a happy and healthy marriage. Luckily, Steve is really keen to do it, although I'm sure intimacy will have a high placement on his list - men!

If you’re in a bit of a bind, confused, wondering what it’s all about, have no clear idea where you’re going, can’t really think of anything to live for, just feeling “blah” about life.... or all of the other stuff many of us feel everyday of our lives, you could do a lot worse than read this book I reckon.

Yours, without the bollocks

Andrea