Mums, Dads, Behavioural Specialists, HELP!
I’ve got to ask if anyone can help me make
sense of my boys current behaviour, because I am honestly at my wits end. The current
challenge being faced is the art of listening and doing as they are told before
I turn into a screaming harpy. The problem is, the screaming harpy level seems
to be the only language they understand and I just can’t live my life like
that! I grew up in a shouting house and I DO NOT want my boys to experience the
same. But how can it be any different if it’s the only time they listen... and that
doesn’t even always work?
I’ll give you a day in the life. I think it
was Wednesday and I was with the boys all day. We started with them joining me
for my morning swim and the pool man was working. There was a pot of chemicals
and I said to Lex, as he looked over with interest, don’t go near that. Don’t
go near that. DO NOT GO NEAR THAT and he went near it and smelled chlorine from
a centimetre away. Have you ever smelt chlorine up close? It sends your brain
into a spasm! So I asked Lex: Why did you do that? It smells like water he
said. Grrrrr. Then both boys grabbed my kick board and were stepping off the side
of the pool onto the board. This is not a new activity - it’s been happening
for some time now. Guys please stop. If you fall and hit your head on the side
of the pool you’re going to get a VERY big ouchie. So they did it again and
again and again until I screamed and put them on time out at the edge of the
pool for the rest of my swim. Please guys, the whole day is yours, just give me
this 30 minutes to do something for myself – PLEASE.
We live in an apartment so when they are
not at school, we’ve got to go out and do something. Steve and I work hard at
coming up with new and creative ways to spend time with them. This day I took
them to a Buddhist temple.
Don’t touch anything, keep your voices low and no you can’t have any of the
candies that are at the front of every single temple throughout the whole bloody
complex. They couldn’t resist the candies – it’s an obsession - plus an old
uncle working at the Temple gave them each a fist full – grrrr – and of course,
they couldn’t open them, so nagged me to open the bloody candies I didn’t want
them to have anyway! They also couldn’t resist hitting the mega drum that has a
sign saying DO NOT TOUCH. They couldn’t resist running in the worship halls. It
was a glorious, beautiful place, but I had to give up in the end and march them
out of the Temple. Naturally I was left wondering why I bother doing things
like this with them. So we went to the Air
Force Museum. As a general rule, they could be free, as there weren’t too
many rules. But they found buttons to push – at the museum and within me. No
you can’t climb over the fence onto that ledge three stories high with no
railing Jax. Boys, please sit still in your seats and watch the 10 minute
video. Lex please don’t run. Jax please don’t touch that. Please don’t, please
don’t, please don’t, stop, stop, Stop, STOP!!!
It’s so bloody intense at the moment and I’m
hearing my own voice and hating it. I’m also not liking them for making me feel
this way, and that is a VERY big surprise to me – I never thought I would be a
parent who didn’t like my kids. The thing is, I give them so much freedom. I
take them to amazing places. I think I’m a pretty good Mum overall – definitely
not perfect, and often frustrated by them, by life, by wanting my achievements
to be different to what they are at the moment, etc... – all of which doesn’t
help my state of mind when I’m with them, because often times I would rather be
doing something else. I understand how my mindset is impacting things as well.
On a logical level, this stage just doesn’t
make any sense to me, because they are pushing me every single day (and their
Dad), and we are scratching our heads wondering what the hell we’ve got to do
to have a calm home?
The thing I always seem to come back to is
I’m not enjoying time with the boys right now – not always, but a large part of
our full days together. I want to enjoy time with them, but I’m not. I have a
right to enjoy this time don’t I? I mean parenting isn’t always supposed to be a
chore is it? It certainly feels that way at the moment I must say. Maybe I’m
just one of those parents who’s going to enjoy the teen and older years? I
certainly don’t feel equipped for this illogical, chaotic, messy time that’s
for sure. So maybe it’s got nothing to do with them and everything to do with
me?
Anyways, perhaps I’m trying to apply logic
to a situation that cannot be explained with logic, and just wondering if
anyone has any insight I can bring to mind to help me get through these times
in a positive way – please? I love my boys’ spirits – it’s a wonderful quality
that is going to set them up well in life, and let’s face a very real truth – I
was never going to have docile kids!
However bloody kids - you love the hell out
of them, but sometimes....
Yours, without the bollocks
Andrea
Comments
Yet they're also sick of the sound of their own voice and feel they're only ever yelling at their kids to "stop" or "behave yourself!" When do they get to play good cop?
But without these guidelines, set early, how are they ever going to learn, especially when mum is serious?
So I suppose I just want to say is, your doing a great job, they need your guidance and I agree with keeping consistency. I always have but I've also seen what happens without it!