Believe in love and don’t settle unless it’s with someone capable of adoring all of you

Part of my 50 Years #50 Wisdoms journey. Join me as I hurtle towards 50 on the 1^st of January 2020.

Way back in 2011 I wrote a blog – A recipe for love for those loosing heart. At the time it helped some friends going through a tough time on the love front, and hopefully today, it will help someone needing it today too. Of course, some people thought it was bollocks back then and may now, but you know what, each to their own.

Love is hard and being single (when you don’t want to be) can be hard too. When you’re in between - and possibly still hurting from the last unsuccessful encounter – time can seem endless, with no love potential popping up.

It can definitely be lonely too - although time alone is very good for you. I am delighted with the year’s I had on my own. It made me stronger in my convictions, stronger in myself, and it meant I was able to get to a place of not needing anyone. That’s a good place to get too – not needing.

I was single for nine years before I met Steve. I just couldn’t find a fit, but equally, someone who was capable of loving all of me just didn’t show up.

When you’ve got a big personality with big dreams, you need someone who can say: awesome. I want to join that journey with you.

And in response, you want to join their journey too.

Anyhoo, I wanted to update this blog and bring it into my 50 Years #50Wisdoms, because I absolutely and fundamentally believe this recipe to be true. I know we are all capable of attracting the person to us that loves us in all of our glory, but we must believe it is possible, and never stop believing it. Besides, as a recipe, it’s not hard to do… well it can be if you’ve been hurt a lot in the past.

It can also be hard if you’re not one keen to enter into a little mind fantasy.

Back in time

I never did the online dating thing. I just couldn’t believe I’d ever find anyone who’d suit me. I mean how would I even advertise myself and if I was completely honest, would anyone worthwhile ever respond? I’m not against online dating, I just knew it wasn’t for me. Then again, this was the days pre-Tinder… Who knows how I’d feel about it now? Besides, some great friends have found love this way. I’ll never dish it.

I was single from 24 to 33. During that time, I had a lot of fun. I travelled the world, lived in five different countries, loved my work, and met fabulous people everywhere I went. With all that said, the whole time I was forever hopeful that ,one day, I would meet my true love. Yes, I’m essentially a romantic at heart, BUT life is a hell of a lot better when you’ve got someone to share it all with!! They just had to be the RIGHT one.

Nine years later I found him. At the grand old age of 33, here he was - the love of my life at long last – Steve. And while the years have been rocky, hard, stressful and pushed us both to our limits, we’re bound firmly together, and he continues to be everything I hoped for and a lot lot more. I truly do love him more and more every day. He’s a special one.

He’s definitely my perfect match – pretty much a male version of me (as I am a female version of him) and when we met and fell in love, I realised the idea that opposites attract could be bullshit – at least for us. It was our similarities that really bound us together and continue to keep us strong – especially when it comes to our core values, morals and the importance we place on giving and keeping our word. Boy that matters to us. The boys are learning it too.

Dawn the morning after our wedding... oh dear

An epiphany on attracting your true love

When I introduced Steve to my mates, many of them said he’s exactly what you said you always wanted.

One gorgeous friend said it’s amazing, he is exactly what you’ve talked about for all these years, and you’ve found him. This lady also said she’d spent her time thinking about what she didn’t want and, guess what? She always attracted that type of person - dickheads.

So it got me thinking back then, was it my focus on what I wanted that helped find him? At this time, the Law of Attraction, manifesting your life, and all of that stuff was ricocheting around the world, and I realised it could be true – maybe I was a living embodiment of it?

During my single years, I never stopped thinking about the man I wanted in my life, and all through that lean times, those thoughts were always foremost in my mind. I never spent anytime thinking about what I didn’t want, mainly because I hadn’t spent anytime with dickheads anyway (I have excellent taste) but I absolutely believed that one day, he’d walk through my door. I believed it so deeply, it kept me going through all of the dodgy people streaming by. And there were so so many of them...

And that is what I’m sharing here. It is the focus on what you want in your life that will result in getting what you want. I do believe it worked for me in regard to love (but for many other areas of my life too) so be patient with me here, because if it helps one person, that would be awesome.

My recipe for finding true love is simple

Focus on what you want – all aspects – and keep this in your mind and heart every time you daydream about your future. Any time you start thinking of an arsehole or bitch you’ve encountered along the way, shut that thinking down immediately, and redirect it to your ideal partner.

Remember the Law of Attraction is absolute - if you allow yourself to think about what you don’t want, guess what, you’ll get exactly that.

Let your imagination soar and live this ideal relationship in your head and heart. You never have to share it with anyone else. It’s just yours to cherish.

Imagine how being with them will make you feel, the smile you’ll have on your face, how much you are going to laugh, and all of the wonderful things you’re going to do together. Live it and believe it.

Naturally your logical side will kick in and tell you what a bunch of bullshit it all is. You’ve got to ignore that and say fuck off logic – why can’t I fantasize about this with no rules attached? Because that’s the great thing about imagination – there are no rules.

Picture your ideal partner - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I say physically because hey, you’ve got to like looking at them too. Being attracted is important whether people admit it or not, but chemistry is chemistry, so while your spunk may not be my spunk, they’re still a spunk.

For example, I love men with big thighs and big shoulders and that’s exactly Steve. I went weak at the knees when I saw those thighs and shoulders for the first time 15 years ago. In my world, a man’s gotta be a man physically, but we’ve all got different ideas about that. So, think about how they look – because it’s part of the daydream you’re creating anyway.

Woohoo we did it!

BUT if you want this to work, you’ve got to go deep

I needed someone with the same or similar values.

I needed to know that even if something wasn’t important to them, they’d respect when something was important to me, and vice versa.

I needed someone who laughed at the same stupid shit and who thought I was the dogs bollocks.

I needed someone who wasn’t intimidated or scared of the sort of woman I was – something I had encountered a lot in this journey of life.

I needed an adventurer and someone who wasn’t scared of living life to the full.

I needed someone who wasn’t scared of love and was capable of giving their heart and soul in a relationship.

My word is really important to me – when I give it I don’t break it. I can accept that not everyone is the same as me, but I couldn’t accept this in my partner. They had to be true to their word, always.

They had to be honest.

Integrity had to be important to them.

They had to be a hard worker.

They had to know the balance between living, working, and loving.

And they had to relish in having a woman like me by their side.

Like I said, you’ve got to go deep here.

Through all of these years, I never gave up, never accepted anything else, because I truly believed that this person was out there, we just needed to find each other. Obviously, I realized after-the-fact, that it was my subconscious at work over all those years. The consciousness didn’t come until my friends said he was exactly what I had imagined. Yes, I did share my vision with my nearest and dearest.

Love is worth daydreaming for

As I’ve said to many friends: focus on what you want, believe that you will find it, and when someone sees the magic in you and you see the magic in them, well it’s the most amazing experience you’ll ever have. It’s definitely well worth the wait, but I hope you don’t have to wait nine years like I did.

Equally, don’t let anyone tell you you’re being too fussy – people said that to me all the time. Because the most important thing to be fussy about is the person that’s going to be by your side, so be fussy until the day they come along. You deserve it!

Even if you think the Law of Attraction, manifestation, and so on, are all a croc of shit (which is fine) I know that just by simply focussing on what you do want, it helps you to make sure that you’re not going to accept anything else. Do it for that reason alone?

Besides thinking deeply about what you really want in a life partner can never be a bad thing. And we all need to daydream more right? My daydreams are still a HUGE part of my life – for my work, my marriage and my kids today - but we can’t stop daydreaming. Life is boring without it.

If you’re looking for love (or anything else you really want) get focused, believe in it (and I mean really believe), don’t think about anything you don’t want, have as much fun as you can, accept that sometimes it gets lonely, also that sometimes you’re going to meet a lot of turds which can be depressing. But just keep going and never ever give up the belief in what you want.

I was single for a long time and even 15 years later, it still doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. I remember how lonely and depressing it could be, how dejected and unworthy you can feel.

But if you really want someone (or anything) great in your life, really believing it is possible and never giving up hope… well, you will find it.

If you’re single or struggling with something, I want to wish you so much success with the journey and I really hope it isn’t too bumpy. Just make sure you work out how to love being you in the meantime and remember to have more fun than anyone else around you is having in the meantime!

That’s how you find the magic one. On the cusp, at the edges of society, living a great life, where you will be playing too.

Right, if you disagree with the above, I’m absolutely open to having a nice chat, and if it worked for you – love or something else - let me know? Love is love xxxx

Yours, without the bollocks

Andrea

Thank you for reading my ramblings. My brain and heart are a work in progress, always. I’d love a comment if it stirred any thoughts or feelings and of course, please feel free to share it with anyone you know who might be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do. If you want to connect, I'm on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, YouTube here, and Facebook too. I share loads of stuff, not just my own xxxxx

Want to be a super star online? Sign up for my e-learning course How to build a rock star personal brand today.