The Things You Wished You Learned When You Were Young

I was having a rather hilarious discussion with a couple of great birds at a networking night recently. All around the same age bracket, one was telling us she could still do the splits, because she was a pretty serious ballerina in her younger days. We couldn’t get a live demo unfortunately, because jeans are not suitable attire for the splits, but I’m on a promise for a demo in future.

I did ballet for a while when little and could do the splits then, but it’s a talent long behind me today – although maybe I should try... The other lady, a tall, gorgeous woman, could never do the splits EVER. Ballet was just not in her past at all. Apparently tall girls didn’t do ballet.

But it got me thinking about the things you didn’t learn as a kid that you wished you could do now. And for me there are only two clear misses.

The first is playing pool. I never learnt it from a young age. Sure I can smack balls around a pool table at furious speed, and sometimes I have a good night and actually look like I know what I’m doing. But it’s like playing darts. The great nights are rare and I usually look like a dick when I play. Being good at pool, developing the skill and subtly required to play it well, comes from years of wasting hours in pubs as soon as they accept your fake ID. I obviously didn’t use that time to the best advantage.

It’s a shame though, because a talented woman on a pool table is one of the most sensuous and powerful sights I know. I was too busy with my euphonium to appreciate that.

But the biggest miss for me is the Wolf Whistle. Ahhh man talk about powerful and sexy! I’ve just never mastered it. I tried, I really did, but I didn’t try hard enough. We were obviously missing another key ingredient back then – the wikiHOW – with a 10 step instruction on how to do it WITH PICTURES. Maybe I’ll have another go and see if I can learn it with the boys!! They’re definitely on the trying to whistle journey right now.

And check this out. I found The Art of Manliness – love it.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting people along the journey of life who could wolf whistle spectacularly – many really surprising. Don’t you think it’s awesome when you do a double take, because you didn’t expect that lovely lady to be able to do THAT? Always makes me laugh from deep in my belly, because it’s nothing short of brilliant!

It feels so Hollywood when trying to get a taxi in NYC and your pal rips one out. Or trying to get someone’s attention and they’re just too far away, only to have a friend let a pearler go. It’s amazing how many heads turn around on a whistle. It penetrates the entire community within hearing range. Great skill. Shame I missed out on that one.

So now it is over to you for some light Sunday banter. What didn’t you learn that you SO BLOODY wished you did - from the depths of your soul?

Should be fun.

Yours, without the bollocks

Andrea

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