Mother’s Day Ponderings...
I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel a massive sense of relief when Mother’s Day is over. There is always such a HUGE build up to it, with too much mushiness in the mix for me, and the expectations feel so big on everyone involved. But then that’s probably more to do with my memories of Mother’s Day growing up. From what I can recall, all celebrations in my family ended in disaster, with expectations not met, tears guaranteed, and there always seemed to be so much pressure around anything being celebrated. MD was definitely the biggest in the annual celebration calendar as far as unhappiness was concerned, so I know I feel a lot of anxiety around the day because of that – crazy how stuff from so long ago can still impact me huh? Need to let that crap go I guess...
As a result of all of this, I am not a big fan of being celebrated – and that is one of the key reasons I ran away to Thailand to get married. I just don’t like it. But now I’m a Mum and I have to say, it’s strange for me facing Mother’s Day. On the one hand I think it’s a great thing to honour the Mum’s out there, because it’s definitely the hardest job in the world, but it’s also magnificently rewarding watching your children growing into the future adults you hope they will be. On the other hand, it was my choice to have them, so why should there be anything special for me? I will never make my children feel obligated to me for giving them life because it was my choice, not theirs. But then, Motherhood is the most important and undervalued role in society (closely followed by fatherhood) so it should be honoured and celebrated, because parent’s are contributing to the future of mankind – not by reproducing, but through the role we play in guiding our kids. I definitely find it all confusing and confronting.
Last year, my beautiful, thoughtful husband messed up on Mother’s Day, and the reality is, I didn’t have any expectations of the day other than please please organise a day, don’t ask me what we should do, and let me come along for the ride. That’s what I want to do on Mother’s Day, just have one day in the year where I don’t have to think! Every day as a Mother there are so many aspects where you have to think about other people, and that is the constant aspect of life I’d love to be given a break from – just for one day! Steve did an awesome job this year. He kept it simple, we went to the beach, the boys made a picnic and played in the sand, and then we had pizza by the pool with great mates in the evening. Perfect.
However there are other aspects to Mother’s Day that play with my mind as well. I know too many women who missed their shot at motherhood because they ran out of time, didn’t find a suitable Dad, didn’t have any luck getting pregnant or worse, they’ve lost children. In fact, Vick is living with us and this was her first Mother’s Day, so it was a painful reminder of the tiny baby she lost last year. I really felt for her going out into Singapore yesterday, with the constant reminder that she too is a Mother, but it’s hardly a celebratory experience knowing what she’s lost. My first thought yesterday when I woke up was how is Vick going to feel today? She’s a brave lady and I hope more than anything she has her chance again.
There are other friends who haven’t had a chance and I wonder how they feel watching the social media frenzy leading up to Mother’s Day, along with the actual day, with everyone sharing their photos, gifts, and lovely experiences. How does it make them feel? It just feels a bit brutal to me – and I’m one of the lucky ones who had no problem having children.
If anything, it makes me more grateful I got the chance, but that still didn’t take away the roller coaster yesterday, going from feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, to wondering why the hell I had kids, to asking why there’s a day that celebrates the unhappiest time in my life, right back to reflecting on the power of a day that celebrates the happiest time of my life, and on and on and on. That’s Mother’s Day for me – a roller coaster of emotions and memories, some great, some bad and I suppose I’ve got to make sure I make new memories about what Mother’s Day means to me and my boys – which centres around a cruisey, lovely day, where we enjoy each other as much as we can.
One thing for sure - I definitely want my boys to grow up with happy memories of Mother’s Day and absolutely no feeling of expectation. I know they love me, they tell me every day and I tell them every day. That’s all that matters... although Jax did wake up this morning and tell me he didn’t like me. Kids for you...
Motherhood – it has certainly confused the hell out of me.
Yours, without the bollocksAndrea