Bloody Mother’s Day

Steve didn’t realise it was Mother’s Day until 3pm on Friday. He found out when he collected the boys from school and they presented him with Mummy’s special handmade cards – shite! That night, as not a word in relation to the big day had been uttered, I said to Steve, “you do realise it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday right?” Steve replied “I just found out today!” I said “you don’t have to go nuts you know?” He said, “you sure?” I said, “I’m sure.”

I meant “let’s just have a really lovely day and please, there’s no need to rush off to Tiffanys, Cartier, or Georg Jensen, but perhaps a nice spot of lunch or afternoon tea?”

He heard “we don’t have to do anything or celebrate it in anyway.” Doh!

I think the highlight was volunteering to take Lex out to a pet shop, because he loves cats and this shop has cats meandering all over the place, so it’s a lovely thing to do with him. However the pet shop is on a street of lovely restaurants and boutique speciality shops, where everyone was enjoying Mother’s Day brunches, or Dad’s were out with their kids buying mum a little special something....

Steve is Mr. Thoughtful, but at the moment he has A LOT on his mind, and world events have been pretty intense in recent weeks... Not to mention our TV is dominated by two little blondies + he’s a bit apathetic when it comes to modern day communication vehicles, like Facebook. He certainly couldn’t have missed Mother’s Day if he’d been spending time on Facebook that’s for sure. Steve also doesn’t do any shopping anymore, as we have Noemi to do that now, so he wasn’t even subjected to the barrage of retail marketing. It might not make sense to everyone, but the truth is, he just missed it this year.

With all that said, I’ve got very mixed feelings about Mother’s Day, as Steve well knows. As a child, Mother’s Day was always full of great expectation and usually ended it tears – I couldn’t say it was ever a happy time. I’ve always put Mother’s Day alongside other bollocks “holidays” like Valentine’s Day – which still is a bollocks holiday in my mind.

But then I became a mother and you know what, being a mother is a bloody intense occupation. It is hard and relentless and unrewarding and exhausting and it screws around with your body. But it is also wonderful and amazing and gratifying and special and there is nothing like watching your children growing up everyday into the amazing adults they will become and feeling a little bit responsible for that.

On my first Mother’s Day, I had absolutely no idea how I would feel. In Steve’s usual style, he went nuts and got me a Tiffany’s necklace with Lex’s name engraved on it, as well as lots of other special and thoughtful stuff. He knows how to spoil me and always has. Lex was about six months old, Jax was newly on the way, and suffice to say, I was a pathetic emotional mess - as is any pregnant woman’s right. From that moment I knew Mother’s Day would be important for me, not because of the jewellery, but because I was being honoured in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I was deeply touched by the whole experience and what it meant to finally be a mum.

So I went from being one of the world’s great cynics about Mother’s Day to being someone who understood why it was important to celebrate this one day of the year – it is a chance to say thanks Mums, you’re really doing a worthy job. Mother’s know what they give 24 hours a day to their children and most of us do it with love. Sure there are a lot of shit moments and days in the mix, but most Mum’s I know wouldn’t have it any other way... although a few more sleeps ins would be nice.

Most of the time, I am thrilled at the prospect of my boys “needing” me for the next couple of decades, but sometimes just the thought of it exhausts me. No matter what though, I will give my boys my all because they deserve that and while I won’t have a spring in my step every morning, I’ll try hard to find it most days. Let’s face it, having two boys 15 months apart means it’s not easy right now. They are both going through extremely intense and demanding phases, but they’re growing up and pushing the boundaries, so I spend a lot of time trying to give them the space they need to grow, but I’m always ready to back them up with cuddles when the boundaries come crashing down. Life beyond Mum (and Dad) isn’t always pleasant after all.

Therefore, having just one day a year dedicated to saying thanks mum, you’re ace... well it’s a nice tradition and one that I am finally able to embrace. Steve has definitely learnt that too...

In the meantime, when Steve hears “you don’t have to go nuts right?” he’ll understand a special day is in order, but not in a gift giving sense. Steve is the most sensitive and thoughtful man on the planet, but yesterday he “missed” for the first time in seven years. He knows that I don’t need diamonds or rubies or extravagance, but a day where my boys pay just a little bit of extra attention to Mum; well that’s what it’s about right? Making each other feel special sometimes.

Steve’s greatest crime is the high standards he set, so when he did nothing, it came as a bit of a shock. We don’t have a relationship built on not doing the special stuff. That’s never been who we are and we both 100 per cent know that. It was definitely a lesson learnt. But I do have to say - thank God yesterday is over!

So Happy Mother’s Day to the gals on this journey, good luck to the gals about to commence it, and to my single mum friends, extra kudos to you – you have my admiration and respect! And Dad’s, put it in the diary and never ever forget it, no matter what she says.

Yours, without the bollocks
Andrea

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