The primary thought habit I want to change is resisting how my life is - by focusing on how I want it to be, as opposed to “enjoying” the ride no matter what. By means of background, I’ve been tracking my thoughts for years now. It’s a really great habit to get into, and it has definitely helped me get rid of any horrible thinking – towards others and myself. My goal is to think kind thoughts always, but it’s not easy to hold onto this goal when life keeps throwing tidal waves of crap at you.
The sort of thoughts I want to change are not difficult, but they need to go and I MUST embrace finding my joy in how my life is today, right now, no matter what, because now is all there is right?The things I say or think every day that I want to stop include
- “You need to sleep more” – to the boys of course. Well they’re not going to sleep more and they’re going to get up whenever the hell they want, so why not just go with that little pearl of life huh? My anxiety over their lack of sleep has a massive impact on me and it’s time to go with the flow (a saying my husband HATES), but oh so true
- “I just want to be in my own home” – another biggie, as we’ve now been out of our own home and in temporary accommodation since September 2010. I just miss my beautiful things, but we will get back in our own home at some point, and it’s feeling closer at long last, so why not just enjoy and invest in the home I have? The reality is, it doesn’t matter, just living in the now matters
- “I am tired” – every day I think this, every bloody day! That’s why “I have energy” as a thought habit goal for FIE January, but seriously, I need to eradicate tired thinking from my mind. It makes me more tired focusing on it, and I don’t want the boys to grow up being influenced by that thinking
- “I wish ….. was different” – can be applied to so many things. There are many sayings around this idea, but a saying that resonated with me recently is this one by William James: “Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” Indeed, acceptance
Just a few examples, but breaking the habit of defining my life in any other way than what it is, must happen if I want to smile. So stop the thoughts and enjoy the ride.
I’ve definitely lost track of my thoughts in recent months, but to give a little context of why, two years ago, Steve and I came back to Singapore because we recognised this is where we could both achieve our dreams. We came equipped with two things – enough money to last a couple of months and an undefeatable positive attitude. We didn’t have work, a place to live, a school for the boys, etc… – we just came back believing it would work out (a massive step for Steve to make I might add – still can’t believe I convinced him to give it a go!).It was an experiment in positive manifestation or the Law of Attraction and it was a complete disaster. However, I couldn’t guarantee I was 100% positive in the right way, or that my thoughts were in alignment with my goals, because understanding how our thoughts impact our lives is a difficult thing to really know, even in practise – because we have ourselves (and our egos) in the way. I also couldn’t speak for Steve’s thoughts, and because we were in this together, his thoughts were impacting my life and vice versa, so equally valid to consider. BUT there is one thing I could say I learnt in this time – being positive is a whole lot better than being a negative, worried, downtrodden, misery-guts!
So do I believe in the power of the mind and the power of our thoughts to change our life? I don’t know, because my personal experiment with it has been a “failure”, but there are so many forces at play in the universe, and who knows what the truth is? The only thing I’ve ever known for sure is that I don’t know a whole lot. I just don’t know how it all works, and perhaps I’ve been doing the wrong things? Or perhaps there are dark forces at play (as some have suggested)? Or perhaps this is what I’m supposed to experience so I can share my lessons? Or perhaps we live, die and turn to dust? Who knows? I truly don’t believe that last one though - I just don’t.My super positive thinking kept me going for 15 months straight. You could not make me doubt, because I believe (and still do) that anything is possible when you put your mind to it. But after 15 months of believing, I got some disappointing news, realised the promises made were never going to happen, and Lex got kicked out of school because they couldn’t understand how to teach him. As such, I came crashing down. I think I’ve spent the last nine months in up-down land. The downs haven’t been nice and the first one lasted a good couple of months before I could drag my sorry arse out of it, and since then, I’ve had a few more but never as long. I’m essentially a happy person and an optimist, so going into a bleak place is VERY difficult for me to cope with, and poor Steve putting up with it!! Then again, he’s had his downs too.
We must remember...
I’ve included just a few examples and this month my quest for a positive mindset most of the time, while remembering to enjoy the moment, is off to a start. I have reminded myself to track my thoughts again and I’m going to work really hard to “hear” the thoughts and words that are diminishing my life, thereby not enabling me to jump out of bed in the morning saying “Yip-fucken-yah!”
Yours, without the bollocksAndrea
The FIE crusade, or "Fuck it, Enough" is about making small changes to get to the goal of leaping out of bed everyday saying isn't life fucken great! If you want to join the crusade, like my Without the Bollocks Facebook page.