Mother’s Day Ponderings...
I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel a massive
sense of relief when Mother’s Day is over. There is always such a HUGE build up
to it, with too much mushiness in the mix for me, and the expectations feel so big
on everyone involved. But then that’s probably more to do with my memories of Mother’s
Day growing up. From what I can recall, all celebrations in my family ended in
disaster, with expectations not met, tears guaranteed, and there always seemed to
be so much pressure around anything being celebrated. MD was definitely the
biggest in the annual celebration calendar as far as unhappiness was concerned,
so I know I feel a lot of anxiety around the day because of that – crazy how
stuff from so long ago can still impact me huh? Need to let that crap go I
guess...
As a result of all of this, I am not a big fan of
being celebrated – and that is one of the key reasons I ran away to Thailand to
get married. I just don’t like it. But now I’m a Mum and I have to say, it’s strange
for me facing Mother’s Day. On the one hand I think it’s a great thing to
honour the Mum’s out there, because it’s definitely the hardest job in the
world, but it’s also magnificently rewarding watching your children growing
into the future adults you hope they will be. On the other hand, it was my
choice to have them, so why should there be anything special for me? I will
never make my children feel obligated to me for giving them life because it was
my choice, not theirs. But then, Motherhood is the most important and
undervalued role in society (closely followed by fatherhood) so it should be
honoured and celebrated, because parent’s are contributing to the future of
mankind – not by reproducing, but through the role we play in guiding our kids.
I definitely find it all confusing and confronting.
Last year, my beautiful, thoughtful husband messed up on
Mother’s Day, and the reality is, I didn’t have any
expectations of the day other than please please organise a day, don’t ask me
what we should do, and let me come along for the ride. That’s what I want to do
on Mother’s Day, just have one day in the year where I don’t have to think! Every
day as a Mother there are so many aspects where you have to think about other
people, and that is the constant aspect of life I’d love to be given a break
from – just for one day! Steve did an awesome job this year. He kept it simple,
we went to the beach, the boys made a picnic and played in the sand, and then
we had pizza by the pool with great mates in the evening. Perfect.
However there are other aspects to Mother’s Day that play
with my mind as well. I know too many women who missed their shot at motherhood
because they ran out of time, didn’t find a suitable Dad, didn’t have any luck getting
pregnant or worse, they’ve lost children. In fact, Vick is living with us and
this was her first Mother’s Day, so it was a painful reminder of the tiny baby
she lost last year. I really felt for her going out into Singapore yesterday,
with the constant reminder that she too is a Mother, but it’s hardly a
celebratory experience knowing what she’s lost. My first thought yesterday when
I woke up was how is Vick going to feel today? She’s a brave lady and I hope more
than anything she has her chance again.
There are other friends who haven’t had a chance and I
wonder how they feel watching the social media frenzy leading up to Mother’s
Day, along with the actual day, with everyone sharing their photos, gifts, and lovely experiences. How does it make them feel?
It just feels a bit brutal to me – and I’m one of the lucky ones who had no
problem having children.
If anything, it makes me more grateful I got the
chance, but that still didn’t take away the roller coaster yesterday, going
from feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, to wondering why the hell I
had kids, to asking why there’s a day that celebrates the unhappiest time in my
life, right back to reflecting on the power of a day that celebrates the
happiest time of my life, and on and on and on. That’s Mother’s Day for me – a roller
coaster of emotions and memories, some great, some bad and I suppose I’ve got
to make sure I make new memories about what Mother’s Day means to me and my
boys – which centres around a cruisey, lovely day, where we enjoy each other as
much as we can.
One thing for sure - I definitely want my boys to grow
up with happy memories of Mother’s Day and absolutely no feeling of expectation.
I know they love me, they tell me every day and I tell them every day. That’s
all that matters... although Jax did wake up this morning and tell me he didn’t
like me. Kids for you...
Motherhood – it has certainly confused the hell out of
me.
Yours, without the bollocks
Andrea
Comments
Glad u had a good day!!! And even if jax woke up a grump this morning... I love u!!!